


that one avengers group chat

by smol_spider_boi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Family, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Crack, Domestic Avengers, Everyone Loves Peter Parker, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Identity Reveal, Irondad, M/M, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Meets the Avengers, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Secret Identity, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, everyones a good bro, everything that happened after civil war doesn't exist, spiderson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2020-10-05 09:31:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20486678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smol_spider_boi/pseuds/smol_spider_boi
Summary: TonyStark has entered the chatSam: Where in the name of kfc chicken did you goTonyStark: Spidey came through my lab window again without telling me and it scared the demons inside of me so much I dropped my phoneClint: Wait isn't Spider-man an avenger shouldn’t he be hererhodeyy: Tones don't you dare add that little spawn of satan---or spidey adds himself into an avengers group chat and chaos endures





	1. tHeRes A cHiLd!?!?!?

**Author's Note:**

> hi! thanks for clicking on this! I feel like I should mention that this is my first (published) fic, so feel free to tell me in the comments how it was!  
-  
also my grilled cheese is cold :(

TonyStark added Steve, Clint, natasha, rhodeyy, Sam, and Bruce to unnamed  
TonyStark changed the name too The Avengers

Steve: Excuse me for asking, but what is this exactly?

TonyStark: Its a group chat for all the avengers cap thought that was kinda obvious

Steve: Oh.

Steve: Was this made to make things less awkward after what happened in Germany?

TonyStark: Well the compounds been kinda quiet without you guys lately and you have no idea how much this hurts to say but I miss being a team

rhodeyy: Cut the crap Tony. The only reason this was made was because the kid really wanted to meet the other avengers and you can't make that happen until everyone is on good terms. 

TonyStark: Its those damn puppy dog eyes

Steve: Language

Clint: WAIT THERES A KID

Clint: YOU HAVE A C H I L D

Sam: HOW DID WE NOT KNOW THIS

TonyStark: Nope hes not mine and before yall start asking all information is classified right now and if anyone even tries to find him I will kill you and slice off your big toes 

natasha: dang

Sam: Why is that so specific

rhodeyy: Irondad mode: activated

Sam: I really want to meet him but now im scared for my toes

Steve: Moving on to respect Tony’s wishes, how is everyone?

Clint: Dead inside

TonyStark: Same

Sam: Me too

natasha: thanks for asking but im feeling a bit murderous

Bruce: Wait is that even a feeling

Clint: Idk your the doctor man

Steve: If Natasha says it is I don't think anyone should question it for safety reasons

rhodeyy: Couldn’t agree more

natasha: glad were all in agreement here

TonyStark has left the chat

Clint: Did he die

Sam: He probably went to his lab or something

rhodeyy: Bold of you to assume he ever leaves his lab

Steve: Well i'm sure he had a good reason to leave 

TonyStark has entered the chat

TonyStark: Sorry about that y'all

Sam: Where in the name of kfc chicken did you go

TonyStark: Spidey came through my lab window again without telling me and it scared the demons inside of me so much I dropped my phone

Clint: Wait isn't Spider-man an avenger shouldn’t he be here

rhodeyy: Tones don't you dare add that little spawn of satan 

TonyStark: Hes reading the messages oh no

Sam: What's happening

TonyStark: Omg hes adding himselsjljflsjfjflsdl

rhodeyy: Shit.

TonyStark added spiderman to unnamed

spiderman: hi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have 10 pages of this already in a google doc so be prepared for more chapters, trust me it gets better. also ill try my best to find an updating schedule within the next few chapters so its at least consistent? (idk man life's chaotic)  
\---  
I hope you enjoyed! and if you read all of that you're a real one and ily. have a great day!


	2. tonys a tired dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where cap gets rid of sams jelly and spideys convinced its a roleplay gc (bc mr starks not cool enough to talk to the actual avengers)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *inhales* THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT ON THE LAST CHAPTER I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW GREATFUL I AM SO TRULY THANK YOU ALL FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS - ok i’ll let u read it now i’m just excited (if u can’t tell)

TonyStark: Lemme change my name real quick

Bruce: Wait why?

spiderman: wait mr. stark i have a questionnnn

TonyStark changed their name to ITSTONYKID

ITSTONYKID: Thats why.

spiderman: stahp attacking me 

spiderman: anyway back to my question

spiderman: are yall really the avengers or just some weird roleplay gc bc if so im going to have to leave 

ITSTONYKID: I'm not sure why exactly this is a concern but they're all real avengers

spiderman: thats what they always say

Sam: Excuse me storytime NOW

spiderman: take a chill pill 

spiderman: plus its only happened a few times

Clint: Spidey with all due respect

Clint: What the ever loving fuck

natasha: ajhdlkjldsj kid- 

Steve: Don't worry Spider-man everyone here is an actual avenger.

spiderman: vell vell if it isnt captain america

natasha: but it is me

spiderman: no its an expression

natasha: your nazi tricks wont work on me

spiderman: OMGOMG MR STARK DID YOU SEE T H A T

spiderman: SHE KNOWS VINES WE STAN JFDHLDHHDSLF

spiderman: IM SCREAMING

ITSTONYKID: I can confirm he is indeed screaming. 

ITSTONYKID: Nat I think you broke him come fix this

Bruce: Would anyone mind explaining what just happened?

Clint: I think Nat knows some me-mes

-

Sam: Where's the jelly for my sandwich yall

spiderman: a valid question 

Sam: And don't bull shit me the canned jam stuff im talking all fake squeezy shit

Steve: Oh, the strawberry one? I got rid of it.

spiderman: b r u h why

Clint: you've made a grave mistake cap 

Sam: WHY WOULD YOU GET RID OF IT ITS THE ONLY THING I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TOO ANYMORE

ITSTONYKID: Wait you all live together?

Sam: Yeah, we got nowhere else to go

Sam: But im rethinking this decision as of the recent disappearance of my jelly

spiderman changed Sam’s name to nojamsam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed this chapter! comment (if you would like) how it was :)  
\- remember to stay hydrated and have a great day !!


	3. he didn’t get stabbed this time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this time on the shitshow- spidey gets shot at and tony needs to calm his tits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mysterio rly thought he did something but peter parker just yeeted himself out of that universe 
> 
> (also i feel like i should mention that only uncle rhodey and tony know who the spider smol bean is right now)

Clint: So Tony

ITSTONYKID: Yes?

nojamsam: We have a question

Clint: When can we meet your kid

spiderman: wut 

spider-man: MR STARK HAS A KID

ITSTONYKID: I don't have a kid and spidey you’ve met him before

ITSTONYKID: Hes my intern remember 

spiderman: omg i tots remember now

natasha: ok wait how has spidey met your ‘intern’ and we haven’t 

spiderman: mr stark likes me the best

spiderman: and trust me you don't want to meet this intern

Steve: Excuse me?

spiderman: he’s a bitch. 

spiderman: one time he called me out for not having a real job like mind your own business damn 

spiderman; it doesn't even end there lemme tell u how horrible this intern is

ITSTONYKID: i-

ITSTONYKID kicked spider-man from the chat

rhodeyy: Omg he didn't 

Clint: Is it bad that I still want to meet him possibly even more than before

natasha: tony i need to meet this intern now

rhodeyy: Tony's about to go all irondad now that you all think his sons bad

rhodeyy: Hes been typing furiously at his phone for a solid 3 minutes now yall are dead

ITSTONYKID: I don't even have the words to describe how amazing the kid is. He's everything good in this world all rolled up into one. He wouldn’t inflict hurt on to anyone even if it means hurting himself. That's how selfless he is. So if I hear any one of you talk even the slightest bit badly about him lets just say it won't end well and you will never and I repeat never meet this wonderful joy filled human being. Do I make myself clear?

nojamsam: Yes sir

natasha: well ok then

Clint: Wait but why isnt spidey getting yelled at

Irondad: Because

rhodeyy: What tony means is 

rhodeyy: Thats his other dumbass child who he could never yell at

rhodeyy has changed ITSTONYKID’s name to irondad

rhodeyy has changed spiderman’s name too spiderson

nojamsam has added spiderson to the chat

spiderson: wait whatd i miss

\-----  
spiderson: we may have an issue mr starc

irondad: Kid you alright?

Clint: Spidey you good?

spiderson: depends

irondad: So help me if you got stabbed again-

spiderson: nono its not that

Steve: Glad to hear you didn't get stabbed Spider-man.

spiderson: ive been shot this time lol

FRIDAY has entered the chat

FRIDAY: Hello, as Mr. Stark is unavailable to respond at the moment as he is currently flying at maximum speed to reach Spider-man, I have been asked to relay a message.

FRIDAY: “Tell Spider-man that if he pulls this shit again i'm banning him from the lab for a week and telling May.”

spiderson: well damn 

spiderman: tell him to calm his tits and im fine

FIRDAY: “Boss says he knows your bleeding out so cut the crap and he has no intentions of calming down until he knows you're ok”

spiderman: im going to cry now 

natasha: from the pain or emotions

spiderman: both

nojamsam: That was so sweet i might cry too

Clint: I would but i'm still thinking about how spiderman told THE tony stark to calm his tits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayeee so i think i’m gonna have chapters posted on sundays and thursdays (prolly in the morning so they’ll be out all day) starting now just so y’all know !! :) comment how it was ! 
> 
> \- i hope everyone’s having a fantastic day and if not have some ice cream you deserve it <3


	4. spideys too pure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he’s babi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is, enjoy!

nojamsam: Kinda excited for tonight idk why

Clint: Yeah me too but mainly for the food

Clint: We haven’t had real food in what feels like monthsss

irondad: Wait seriously ? What do you guys want I was just gonna have Pep order for everyone 

Steve: Tony it’s fine. Whatever Pepper has planned should be great!

irondad: I’ll relay the message then

spiderson has entered the chat

spiderson: CONGRATULATIONS MR. RHODEY SIR !!!

Bruce: What happened? 

spiderson: none of y’all know ???

irondad: No? I know for a fact it’s not his birthday sooo

spiderson: mr. rhodey if u want to tell them you can i won’t take that away from you 

rhodeyy: Kid I don’t even know so please do share

spiderson: alrighty then

spiderson: ITS THE 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF WHEN HE STARTED WALKING AGAIN IVE HAD THIS ON MY CALENDAR FOR A WHOLE YEAR

spiderson: IM SO EXCITED 

rhodeyy: I- 

natasha: we must protect him at all costs.

natasha: hes too pure 

rhodeyy: Can I give you a hug 

spiderson: you can tonight!!!! i’ll get a gift for you after the hospital!

Clint: Why are you at the hospital is something wrong??? Did someone hurt you?

nojamsam: I’ll hurt them.

irondad: Wait for it

Bucky: He couldn’t get anymore pure.

spiderson: nonnooo! i go around and see the kids at children’s hospital every thursday! it’s rly cool and fun! the kids love it!!!

Bucky: I was wrong.

irondad: That’s my kid right there everyone literal angel

Clint: Not to be dramatic but I’d die for spider-man 

natasha: same

nojamsam: Same

Bucky: Same

Steve: I think i speak for everyone when i say we all would.

spiderson: y’all are gonna make me criiii

spiderson: ilyallsm uwu

spiderson: ok well i gtg! ttyl

natasha: bye spidey 

spiderson: byeee <3

spiderson has left the chat

Bruce: Tony your kids the best

irondad: I know

rhodeyy: I’m already the cool uncle so don’t even think about it

Clint: Awwww

nojamsam: But fr how did he know that 

irondad: He once had surprise party for us because apparently 6 months ago he had his first official dinner with pep and I 

irondad: I wouldn’t put it past him for a second.

natasha: thats sweet 

irondad: Well aware some tears were shed

spiderson has entered the chat

spiderson: mr. stark they made drawings for me !!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everybody your support means the world to me !!!  
ilyallsm <3
> 
> -i hope you enjoyed the chapter! have a great day and if not have some ice cream you deserve it!!!


	5. karen 2.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically peter makes a giant roomba that gives off karen vibes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this at like 1 am

Clint: AJF;LAJDFLJDFLJ;A

natasha: i-

spiderson: IM S O R R Y OK

nojamsam: DONT BE SORRY I HAVENT LAUGHED THIS HARD IN A LONG TIME OML

rhodeyy: Spiderman as your favorite uncle I must ask you

Rhodeyy: What in the name of Thor went through your mind when you were making this very handsome roomba

Irondad has entered the chat

irondad: wHY IS THERE A GIANT ROOMBA WITH RHODEYS FACE ON IT

Irondad: ITS CHASING ME 

irondad: SEND H E L P

irondad: ITS SINGING JINGLE BELLS WHAT IS THIS THING

nojamsam: AHAHAHHAHAH

Steve: Thats Spider Man's gift to Colonel Rhodes. I must say it frightened me too at first.

irondad: I LEAVE TO TELL PEPPER ONE THING AND THIS IS WHAT I COME BACK TOO

spiderson: yes.

irondad: You made this didn’t you

spiderson: we were gonna scare you with it but it looks like you already did that yourself

Clint: Im asking FRIDAY for the footage

natasha: already did that

Clint: Of course you did

nojamsam: This party has exceeded all expectations

Bucky: Can we please name the giant roomba

rhodeyy: Please dont

spiderson: oh we are so naming it

spiderson: how about karen 2.0 

Bruce: Why 2.0?

spiderson: bc my AI name be karen and shes the og

Bucky: Should karen 2.0 be like the 40 year old mom Karen or Planktons wife in spongebob

spiderson: mr america what do you think

Irondad changed Steves name to mr.america

mr.america: Really?

irondad: Yes.

mr.america: If you're asking for my input, I think that we should go for more of a 40 year mom vibe because Karens are scary like the roomba.

Bruce: One time we were at a Mcdonalds and a person named Karen yelled at the worker because they only gave her 5 chicken nuggets instead of 6.

Bruce: It was a very frightening experience. 

spiderson: karen 2.0 it is !!!!

rhodeyy: Kid did you get a picture from google

rhodeyy: I can literally see the stock photo logo

irondad: Oh my goodness this is a disaster

spiderson: dont you DARE speak to me and my son karen like that ever again mr. stark or im going to cry

spiderson: you dont want that on your conscience

irondad: Leave and take the scary roomba with you demon child

rhodeyy: Wait no I want it

irondad: You cant be serious right now

irondad: It sings fricken JINGLE BELLS on repeat

rhodeyy: But it has my face on it

spiderson: valid point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it bad i want a giant roomba now with his face on it  
\- i hope y’all enjoyed the chapter and have a fabulous day !!!!!  
<3 <3 <3


	6. flash is a jerk face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flash says mean stuff bout peter in the gc not knowing that’s the actual avengers and clint bucky and natasha are protective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH so i got this wonderful idea from RandomNerd3 so huge thanks to them !!!! and if anyone has any more prompts or ideas i would love to incorporate them some how so comment if you would like !! <3

spiderson: omg puny did not

spiderson: AHAHAH JUST WHEN I THOUGHT HE COULDN’T GET ANY MORE LAME

spiderson: also what even is his name its stupid 

spiderson: penis parker is the worst person on the planet and he should burn in the sun

spiderson: no ill throw him into the sun myself

spiderson: now bc you are all his ‘weird fake avenger friends’ i highly suggest you stop talking to him even though youre all prolly like 40 hes still not cool enough for you

spiderson: i bet he did this role play avengers thing because he couldn’t get an actual stark internship

spiderson: thats because they don’t accept TRASH

spiderson: oh shi he found me 

spiderson: nice chatting with yal

spiderson: SHITSHITSHITSHIT

Bucky, Clint, and natasha entered the chat

Bucky: Excuse me tf

spiderson deleted 12 messages from the chat

spiderson: ignore that plz someone just stole my phone

Clint: I didn’t have time to read it what happened

natasha: i got screenshots.

Clint: Of course you do

spiderson: im begging you dont send them mr stark CAN NOT know

natasha: well hes not here right now is he

natasha sent an image

spiderson: youre dead to me

Clint: OH THAT SON OF A BITCH

Clint: HE DID N O T

Clint: That settles it ill need his information please and thank you

Bucky: Youre being bullied arnt you kid.

spiderson: whatt??? nooo flash is my friend he was just joking

natasha: i suggest you dont lie little spider

spiderson: listen its noting i cant handle and im glad its me so please just drop it !!!

Bucky: The only thing dropping is this kids dead body

spiderson: i-

spiderson: i’ll admit that was a good joke but still doesn’t change the fact that you can’t kill a minor 

Bucky: Who said it was a joke

Clint: What parents hate their child so much to name them flash??

spiderson: apparently the thomson family 

spiderson: GOSH DIDDLY DARN

natasha: oh you have so much to learn

Clint: I found this ‘flash’ - his real name is Eugene remind me again how he doesn’t get bullied 

spiderson: i just realized that you might know my identity now but just don’t tell anyone k?

Bucky: Wouldn’t even think about it

natasha: i promise spidey 

Clint: Also side note totally not ok with the whole age thing happening 

spiderson: oh i am not having this conversation again uncle rhodey wouldn’t stop talking about my age and curfew for a solid week

Bucky: But you're practically a baby

natasha: hes babi

Clint: Wait I has an idea 

Clint changed his name to birduncle

birduncle: Caw Caw mf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cra cra - any way so they were chill about the age thing cause ya know nat started in childhood, bucky dealt with pre serum steve in the army, and i can’t promise that clint won’t treat peter like the babi he is.  
—  
i hope you enjoyed! EVERYONE HAVE A FABULOUS DAY AND REMEMBER EVERYTHINGS ALL GONNA BE OK !! also eat some cake you glorious human specimen


	7. spooky season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk how to explain it but basically spooky scary skeletons is a bop, cults are formed, and steve looks like moldy bread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this at like 11:30 at night instead of doing my essay so bare with me

irondad: IF YOU DONT STOP RIGHT NOW I WILL GO OVER THERE AND SHOVE BROCCOLI UP YOUR FACE

spiderson: bet

birduncle: Huh

rhodeyy: What’s up with your name 

spiderson: don’t worry ur still my fav uncle 

rhodeyy: Thank god

rhodeyy: Anyway - Tones care to explain why your yelling 

irondad: Ah glad you asked

spiderson: well i’m sorry that you don’t understand ART

irondad: FOR THE LAST TIME

irondad: AND I WILL NOT BE SAYING THIS AGAIN

birduncle: Oooooh someone’s in troubleee

spiderson: shut ur mouth

birduncle: Try me bitch 

irondad: STOP PLAYING SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS AT FULL BLAST EVERY TIME I WALK INTO A ROOM

spiderson: ITS SPOOKY SEASON MR STARK SO GET USED TO IT

irondad: IM OLD MY HEART CAN NOT TAKE IT

spiderson: so

spiderson: you admit ur old 

rhodeyy: We’ve been knew

nojamsam: But fr spooky scary skeletons is a good song idk why ur complaining man

natasha: agreed

irondad: IT IS MOST DEFINITELY N O T

Steve has entered the chat 

Steve: Its spooky season bitches.

birduncle: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM 

spiderson: YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST

spiderson: MR AMERICA CONFIRMED IT BE SPOOKY SEASONNNNN

nojamsam: IM SCREAMMINGGGGDGSGSGDG

nojamsam: AALDJDHKSHDKSDH

natasha: language cap

Steve: Wait sorry Bucky had my phone what did I say?

spiderson: what a legend 

spiderson: can u tell mr bucky that he has all my uwus and i would die for him :———)

Steve: He said, “Tell the Spider Child to perish.” 

Steve: Not quite sure why he said child though, as a child should not be in this line of work. Also I have no idea what that means. 

birduncle: Oh Stevie 

nojamsam: Did I miss something “birduncle”?????

natasha: nope 

spiderson: NOPE YOU DID NOT AT ALL

irondad: Something definitely happened and I don’t know what it was

birduncle: We formed a cult. Spidey, myself, Tash, and Bucky

birduncle: Suprise !!!!

spiderson: ALL HAIL THE MOLDY BREADDDDDD

irondad: Its official 

irondad: I’m putting you up for adoption 

spiderson: you can’t do that 

irondad: Oh yes I can

spiderson: the g8 queen mrs. pepper wouldn’t allow it 

irondad: Oh shi u rite

birduncle: You can come live with me if you want 

natasha: same

Bucky has entered the chat 

Bucky: Same

Steve: ???????

Bucky: Steve you look like moldy bread

spiderson changed Steves name to americanbread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it !! and remember to comment a prompt or something you want to see (seriously i mean anything they just formed a cult on moldy bread)   
\- THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT ILYALL SMM HAVE A GREAT DAY ! <3333


	8. rip charles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uhhh so stucky is a thing, tony killed charles, and buckys valid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayooo back again, enjoy !!

americanbread: Why is this a thing 

Bucky: Just accept it and we can all move on with our lives 

americanbread: How do I change it

irondad: No one tell him

birduncle: Wouldn’t even think about it

Bucky: All hail the american bread

natasha: remind me why i hang out with all of you again 

birduncle: Oh please you love us

natasha: tolerate is a better word. but steve and bucky sure do love each other.

spiderson has entered the chat

spiderson: WAIT WAIT WAIRJSKIDND

spiderson: STUCKYS CANNON

spiderson: MY OTP MY #1 SHIP IS R E A L

irondad: I have no idea what you just said kid. But wait you guys are dating???

irondad: For real?

americanbread: Yes.

spiderson: i can die happy now ;.)

birduncle: Nuh uh no ones dying here 

spiderson: you’re not the boss of me

spiderson: i can do whatever i want 

birduncle: Ive taken the responsible uncle so yes I can

Bucky: There’s two of them now kid

Bucky: Good luck 

irondad: I still can’t believe y’all are dating 

spiderson: neither can i you can ask ned 

spiderson: i accidentally lit our mc house on fire when i got the notification 

americanbread: Whats ‘mc’?

irondad: Dont get him started 

spiderson: vel vel mc, also known as minecraft is the best game to ever be created

spiderson: i could go on and on but mr stark would eat my ice cream if i did and i can’t let that happen 

irondad: Good call.

spiderson: you’re still not forgiven for the time you killed charles 

birduncle: Wait Tony you killed someone?!?

spiderson: yes it was a sad day for all 

spiderson: he didn’t even attend the funeral 

natasha: rude

americanbread: I’m disappointed in you Tony.

irondad: Spidey. you captured charles from his home and tortured him. i had to put him out of his misery 

Bucky: This just keeps getting better

spiderson: you had no right mr stark. NO RIGHT 

irondad: HE WAS A VILLAGER KID IT WAS AN ACCIDENT MY FINGER SLIPPED

spiderson: NO EXCUSES 

spiderson: wat about the funeral then huh

irondad: I am not attending a minecraft funeral. all you do is toss food into dirt

irondad: Do you know how dumb that is

natasha: my aunt senses are tingling

spiderson: mr stark you’re gonna make me CRI

spiderson changed natashas name to spideraunt

spideraunt: i love it.

spideraunt: i would attend the minecraft funeral spider-man

spiderson: everyone here is valid except for the charles murderer.

spiderson has left the chat 

Bucky: Guys for once in my life i’m valid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks sm for the support as always !! (seriously ilyall <33)
> 
> \- HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE WHEREVER YOU ARE AND DRINK SOME WATER (hydrate don’t diedrate kids)


	9. a crust free sandwich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where a sandwich kidnapping occurs, bucky gets magnets on his arm, and parental vibes 
> 
> Enjoy !!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeet yeet i’m a sleep deprived sheep

spiderson: THEY GAVE ME BACK I CANT BREATHEEEEE

irondad: YOU KNOW FOR A WHILE THERE YOU ACTUALLY WEREN'T

rhodeyy: I think I just lost 5 years off my life from that experience.

irondad: Sa m e

spiderson: Idk what y’all are going on about that was HI-LAR-IOUS 

americanbread: Mind explaining what happened?

spiderson: mr snark i’m telling them

natasha: you better i need to know what happened to my nephew 

birduncle: Same so “spill the tea”

spiderson: i’m just going to pretend like you didn’t just say that 

spiderson: buut anyway

spiderson: basically i got kidnapped right? well then they did the usual stuff trying to torture me like drowning ect

spiderson: nothing new

Bucky: E x c u s e muah

Bucky: But what the fuck kid

irondad: Now you understand what I go through

birduncle: I’m having heart palpitations 

spiderson: bUt then get this

spiderson: i’m all like can i at least have some food 

natasha: i’m scared 

spiderson: and they say ‘yeah whatever we need you alive’

spiderson: coolcool i love food then i ask if i could have a sandwich 

americanbread: This is a very intense story.

irondad: WAIT FOR IT

spiderson: and they say sure and thennn i ask if they could cut the crust off 

spiderson: cause it’s the least they could do for torturing me 

spiderson: then they feel bad and let me go

irondad: I SPENT 8 HOURS LOOKING FOR HIM 

irondad: ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT THEY LET HIM GO BC OF A SANDWICH CRUST

rhodeyy: I was trying to calm him down for a solid 8 hours 

Bucky: I will kill them. 

rhodeyy: Ur giving off major metal arm uncle vibes 

spiderson: I HAVE AN IDEA

spiderson: mr bucky i will be putting magnets on ur arm

spiderson: this is non negotiable 

americanbread: I don’t know kid he usually doesn’t like people touching his arm. 

Bucky: Nono Steb I’m having him put magnets on my arm

americanbread: You sure Buck?

Bucky: Like he said it’s non negotiable 

spiderson: YAYYYYYYYY

irondad: Wait hold on here

irondad: Something’s going on

irondad: Too many parental vibes for one grown man

spiderson: that’s me i am very grown

spiderson: the most grown up adult in the world i do taxes too that’s right 

irondad: Natasha, Clint, and Bucky 

natasha: yes?

irondad: How’d u find out 

spiderson: classified 

birduncle: Kid named Flash and late night talks

spiderson: i regret nothing 

natasha: neither do i ребенок паук

spiderson: <3 

nojamsam has entered the chat

nojamsam: Alright what did I miss

nojamsam: Recap anyone ??

spiderson: i got kidnapped and they let me go cause i asked for a crust free sandwich 

nojamsam: YOU WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so the russian means baby spider and remember to comment (only if you would like to ofc) any prompts or ideas you have for this!!
> 
> -i hope you enjoyed and have a great day !! 
> 
> <3 ilyall 3000


	10. spidey has a crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically cooluncleb is supportive and MJ is scary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY IVE BEEN MIA ALSO THIS CHAPTER IS SHORT MY APOLOGIES - on another note i got this wonderful idea from Daisy so thx sm !!! <3000

spiderson: so HYPOTHETICALLY speaking

spiderson: would giving someone their favorite flower when they never specifically told u what it was be creepy

spiderson: bc ned and i think it’s fine but betty came overheard us and explained why it’s stalkerish so now i’m torn

birduncle: Omg u have a crush who’s the lucky gal ??

birduncle: And to answer your question I don’t think it would be as long as you explained why you stalked her 

spiderson: i didn’t stalk her i’m just very observant

irondad: Wait 

irondad: YOURE GONNA ASK THE MINI PEPPER AND NATASHA OUT

nojamsam: ????? 

irondad: Oh forgot y’all don’t know her 

spiderson: mr starkkkk

irondad: But in a nut shell she’s a good artist and i won’t say anything more bc she scares me

Bucky: Is that why you compared her to Pepper and Natasha

irondad: Yeah

spiderson: ANYWAY back to the point 

spiderson: no flower or yes flower

rhodeyy: Give the girl the flower for pete’s sake

birduncle: Cl e v e r

nojamsam: I’m so confused 

americanbread: So Spider-man has a crush if i’m reading the situation correctly?

spiderson: no-

rhodeyy: Yes he does and i’m pretty sure she has knives so watch what you say cap

spiderson: ok she doesn’t have knives just a strong vocabulary 

natasha: i would like to meet this girl and give her my knives

irondad: NONONKNO

natasha: why not

spiderson: i don’t even know why i bother asking y’all for advice 

Bucky: Well go shopping and find a necklace with the flower if there is one of course, and then you’ll give it to her

Bucky: If you just give the girl a flower it’ll die, and we can’t have that 

spiderson: mr bucky you’re a genius 

spiderson: for that you got a new name

spiderson changed Buckys name to cooluncleb

cooluncleb: I like how it’s just my first initial because bucky would have been to long 

cooluncleb: I’m the coolest uncle now let’s go spider

spiderson: YAYY !!!

spiderson: wait did u just call me a spider 

nojamsam: Ok but this has always bothered me 

nojamsam: Can you like actually lay eggs ???

spiderson: i am not having this conversation again 

spiderson: but no i can not lay eggs, spit venom, or summon an army of spiders 

irondad: Thank gosh

irondad: Idk if my old heart could handle you controlling spiders 

spiderson: bet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 have a great day everyone !!!


	11. nick fury has an eye out for seleaner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where nick fury is ALWAYS watching for seleaner and Mr. Stark is now Mr. Dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK BITCHES - i have so many WIPs rn so i was like why not continue updating (ps i have an idea for this story that I've been writing out for a while ill explain it in the end notes so let me know your thoughts on that if you want :)) anyways enjoy the chapter! LASTLY THANKS SO MUCH FOR 15,000 HITS IT MEANS THE WORLD AND MORE TO ME I LOVE YALL SO MUCH <3

spiderson added NickFury to the chat

spiderson: mr. fury sir i would like to formally applaud your hard work towards this nobel cause that you have exhibited these past few years

spiderson: thank you for keeping an eye out for seleaner 

Irondad: What the flying fuck 

nojamsam: BJLEKAJFLJ

cooluncleb: He’s doing the lords work

NickFury: …

NickFury: Natasha and Clint you have some explaining to do

natasha: yes

birduncle: This can’t be good

NickFury: Which one of you told the kid about my playlist

irondad: yOU LISTEN TO THAT SONG

nojamsam: This just in: Nick Fury listens to Justin Beiber

spiderson: AKJDFSL;J;SLKJ

spiderson: wait i have a joke 

spiderson: the rest of you shut up

NickFury: How do I leave

spiderson: s h u t u p

irondad: Proud dad moment 

Irondad: Wait

natasha: living up to your name i see

spiderson: well talk about this later mr dad

nojamsam: I-

cooluncleb: Sticking with the ‘mr.’ i appreciate the hussle

spiderson: ANYWAY 

spiderson: why does nick fury have only one eye

americanbread: Because he has to have one eye open for Seleaner

spiderson: bc he needs to have one eye open for seleaner

spiderson: MR AMERICA SIR I SWEAR 

rhodeyy: Kick his ass kid

irondad: Do it.

spiderson: thanks mr dad

irondad: Youre not giving this up are you

spiderson: nope

NickFury: Wait

NickFury: I figured out how to leave

birduncle: Omg really

NickFury: Bye bitches I have a meeting

NickFury has left the chat

natasha: well that was fun but i have to go to the meeting too

birduncle: Same lol 

spiderson: okay :))))))))))) bye

spiderson: cover ur ears when mr. fury goes in btw trust me

nojamsam: What did you do this time

NickFury has entered the chat

NickFury: That was not amusing

birduncle: YESFALJDFLSJ

birduncle: YES IT WAS SIR

natasha: ok ill give it to u spidey that was funny

nojamsam: Are yall gonna explain what happened or what

irondad: Yeah please elaborate 

spiderson: i hacked into SHIELD again but made it so whenever mr fury walked into a room ‘make sure to keep an eye out for seleaner’ played on max volume 

cooluncleb: My nephew is so cool

rhodeyy: What do you mean again

natasha: you should have seen the look of terror on his face

NickFury: I hate you all  
spiderson: i hate myself too bitch u aint special get in line

NickFury: And on that note goodnight folks 

NickFury has left the chat

americanbread: Wait

americanbread: When he blinks he doesnt have an eye open

cooluncleb: Oh no

spiderson: this is so sad alexa play feliz navidad

irondad: Kid it’s May

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed the chapter! but here's one of the things I've been working on if you're interested:) - so basically its the 10 year anniversary of Peters's parent's death and he's having a rough time coping with it so he needs to be with Tony. But the Avengers have a ceremony to commemorate two SHIELD agents that same day. It also happens to be the 10 year anniversary of their death. Cue spiderson and irondad bonding, an eventful avengers limo ride, an angry Nick Fury, and the uncovering of secrets. - It's kind of difficult to explain haha but I tried my best. here's a snitbit of it! 
> 
> “They were truly lovely people you know. The two were a couple. There was speculation at one point that they had a baby together, however, it was never confirmed. So naturally, it was heartbreaking to the whole organization after they passed. We wanted to help our friends. Clint and I bugged Fury about it for a while too. He knew who they were, but never disclosed any information after they were gone. I respected him but also resent him for that.”
> 
> “They died in a plane crash, but that's all I can say. I don't know if they'll disclose more at the ceremony or not. But Spidey to answer your question, they did many big things for SHEILD that helped get it to where it is now. It's the 10 year anniversary of the crash.”
> 
> “Oh. Okay. Thanks.”
> 
> “No problem” 
> 
> Peter had to take a second to think about it. Today was also the 10 year anniversary of his parents' crash. Were there stories intertwined somehow, or is it all just a big coincidence?  
He didn't know which of the two he wanted it to be. 
> 
> \----  
also it would follow the same plotline of the groupchat! (who knows his identity, etc). i was thinking of making this a series (to keep the groupchat and it somewhat separate? not sure.) let me know in the comments what you think I should do :) and once again so sorry for not updating for so long ill try to get back on track! and remember you matter <3 have a great day!


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